Bake it Up: Heart Meet Stomach

Okay, I know. I KNOW. We’re supposed to all be feminist chicas who can provide for ourselves with perfect ease. We don’t need guys in our lives to make them complete. But, well. Here’s the real truth: sometimes we do. There, I said it!

I’ll wait until you stop throwing spoiled vegetables at me.

Oh, you’re not going to? You admit it too? I’m not the only one who sometimes would just like a guy around to fix the damn car or reach something on the top shelf? Well, good. That’s a relief. Because I’m here to tell you something about winning such a guy’s heart. There’s a certain saying that has been passed down through the ages. Some may now even call it a cliché, but here’s the real truth about clichés: they become clichés for a reason.

And today’s cliché? The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Now don’t despair if you aren’t necessarily Julia Child in the kitchen. Guys don’t need you to be super extravagant with your desserts. They aren’t going to care about some sort of elaborate soufflé or crème brulee. In fact, something that fancypants might turn them off, making them think you’re a girl who requires other fancy things.

And that’s where another cliché comes in handy: Keep it simple, stupid. (A saying whose acronym is KISS, coincidentally. You see. It’s a sign.)

Just because a dessert is simple doesn’t mean it’s somehow worse than something complicated. You want to be able to say, “Oh, this? I just whipped this up, no big” not “I slaved over this all day long.”

So what exactly can you make that fits this criteria? Behold!

Red Velvet Cupcakes

• 8 Tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temp
• 1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs, at room temp
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 
• 2 cups cake flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup buttermilk
• 2 Tablespoons Red Food coloring 

Preheat the oven to 325°F.  Sift together flour, baking powder and baking soda. Seriously, sift. You won’t regret it.  Add the salt after sifting and set aside.  Measure out the buttermilk and red food coloring.  Add the dye to the buttermilk to make your life easier later.

Cream the butter and the sugar using an electric mixer, until the mixture is pale and fluffy. You can do this by hand if you want to get some killer arm muscles. Add the eggs one at a time, letting the eggs beat for 1 minute in between additions.  Scrape down the bowl in between additions so it gets properly friendly. 

Add the dry ingredients alternately with the wet ingredients.  Start by adding one third of the flour mixture.  Mix just to incorporate.  Add half of the buttermilk.  Add another one third of the flour mixture.  I think you know where this is going. Once it’s all mixed together…

Spoon into paper lined cupcake pans.  Check the cupcakes after about 12 minutes. Makes a dozen. Or you could do mini ones instead, though I would suggest checking them earlier. You can check if they’re done by sticking a toothpick in the middle. If it comes up clean, you’re good. If it comes up with goo, wait a bit longer. But don’t over bake. That’s the worst!

Brown Sugar Cream Cheese Frosting

• 1 1/2 cups butter, softened
• 8oz cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• pinch of salt
• 4-6 cups powdered sugar
• 2-4 tablespoons milk, depending on desired consistency

Cream the cream cheese in an electric mixer for 1 minute.  Scrape down the bowl and add the butter, beating for 1-2 minutes, or until incorporated.  For reals, be sure that the two are at room temperature.  Cold cream cheese or butter can give your frosting a case of the lumps. Very unattractive.  

Add the brown sugar, pinch of salt and vanilla extract, and beat until integrated.  Turn off mixer and add 2 cups of powdered sugar.  Turn the mixer on a low speed so the sugar doesn’t go flying everywhere. Slowly add more sugar alternately with the milk until you reach your desired consistency. More milk = more runny. So if you like it thicker, do less. It’s not rocket science.

Go forth! Bake a mini culinary miracle! Your guy and your taste buds will thank you.